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Parent / Teen Relationships Matter

“We found that parent-child relationship quality, and choosing to live in a neighborhood because of its good schools, is consistently linked to the characteristics of adolescents' friends,” Knoester said.

A good-quality relationship is one in which parents and teens participate in activities together, communicate frequently, and express affection for one another.

When teens and parents reported good relationships, the teens had friends who were less likely to fight and be delinquent, and more likely to be involved in extracurricular activities at schools, have higher grade point averages, and have plans for college.

But when teens and parents reported conflict in their relationship, the teens were more likely to have friends who fought and were involved in delinquency, and who showed fewer prosocial characteristics, such as higher grade point averages.

Results also showed that when parents said they selected their neighborhood because of the good schools, their adolescent children tended to have more ‘good' friends.

Knoester said the effects of parental supervision weren't as clear in the study. For example, when parents were more familiar with their children's friends, these friends tended to have more prosocial characteristics. But there was no link between parental familiarity and friends who participated in fewer delinquent activities.

Also, teens who had more autonomy from their parents tended to have friends who were more delinquent. But autonomy wasn't always bad. When adolescents were more involved in extracurricular activities, the study found higher levels of autonomy encouraged teens to have friends who were also more involved in such activities.

Overall, the results of this research show that parents still have an important role in their children's lives after they reach adolescence.

Parents do have an influence

“Most people recognize that parents directly affect the behavior of their teens,” Knoester said. “However, our findings indicate that parents can also indirectly influence their children's behaviors by shaping their choice of friends.

“Parents may be most likely to affect their children's choice of friends by maintaining a positive relationship with their teen, with high levels of involvement and low conflict. They can also help by selecting a neighborhood with good schools and making an effort to get to know their children's friends and other parents in the community.” Source: Ohio State University

However, you can help your teen in choosing their friends, although the ultimate decision remains with your teenager. Use teachable moments to talk about what makes a good friend.

Points to remember when talking about friendships with your teenager:

1. You are allowed to have many friends.
2. Honesty is important in a friendship.
3. Friends sometimes hurt each other, but they can apologize and forgive.
4. Friends can influence each other, both in a positive way and in a negative way.
5. Who you choose to be your friend is important, it is essential that you choose wisely and that you benefit from the friendship.
6. It takes many learned skills to make and maintain a friendship; it also takes many skills to end a friendship.
7. It is okay and even beneficial to make friends with the opposite gender.
8. It takes time to make a good friend, but it is worth the effort as having a confident can help a teenager with stress.

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