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The Effects of Peer Pressure

It’s not surprising that peer pressure has such an impact on your teenager’s clothes, language, attitudes, and behavior. Even reasonably independent teens are not immune to the culture of conformity. Whether you like it or not, the opinions of your teenager’s peers often carry more weight than yours. After all, who does she spend most of her time with? Trust me: she’s not concerned about whether you think she’s cool. But if one of her friends should look askance at something she does or says, that could make her crumple in a heap of insecurity.

Encourage Healthy and Positive Relationships  

It is important to encourage friendships among teens.  We all want our children to be with persons who will have a positive influence, and stay away from persons who will encourage or  engage in harmful, destructive, immoral, or illegal activities.  

Parents can support positive peer relationships by giving their teenagers their love, time, boundaries, and encouragement to think for themselves.  

Specifically, parents can show support by:

Having a positive relationship with your teen.  When parent-teen interactions are characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency, respect, and love, the relationship will flourish, as will the teen's self-esteem, mental health, spirituality, and social skills.

Being genuinely interested in your teen's activities.  This allows parents to know their teen's friends and to monitor behavior, which is crucial in keeping teens out of trouble.  When misbehavior does occur, parents who have involved their children in setting family rules and consequences can expect less flack from their children as they calmly enforce the rules.  Parents who, together with their children, set firm boundaries and high expectations may find that their children's abilities to live up to those expectations grow.

Encouraging independent thought and expression.  In this way, teens can develop a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.  

All teenagers will succumb to peer pressure every now and then;

it’s perfectly normal.

But make certain that your child can resist negative influences because consistently taking excessive risks and engaging in hurtful behavior suggests a more serious problem.

What’s considered cool and what’s uncool varies widely from year to year and from school to school. Cool behavior can range from dressing in trendy styles to being good at a certain sport to being sarcastic to parents; uncool behavior often includes displaying excessive affection and obedience toward parents, reaching out to an unpopular classmate, and expressing interest in schoolwork.

While not all teenagers follow the cool/uncool code of their social set, they’re certainly aware of it. Many feel they have to act a certain way because it’s expected of them. That explains why they put on a show for their friends, going out of their way to do things that would never be tolerated in their own homes. It’s all to gain acceptance from their peer group.

When Parents Don't Approve

You may not be comfortable about your son or daughter's choice of friends or peer group.  This may be because of their image, negative attitudes, or serious behaviors (such as alcohol use, drug use, truancy, violence, sexual behaviors).  

Here are some suggestions:

• Get to know the friends of your teen.  Learn their names, invite them into your home so you can talk and listen to them, and introduce yourself to their parents.
• Do not attack your child's friends. Remember that criticizing your teen's choice of friends is like a personal attack.
• Help your teen understand the difference between image (expressions of youth culture) and identity (who he or she is). Keep the lines of communication open and find out why these friends are important to your teenager.
• Check whether your concerns about their friends are real and important. If you believe your concerns are serious, talk to your teenager about behavior and choices -- not the friends.
• Encourage your teen's independence by supporting decision-making based on principles and not other people.
• Let your teen know of your concerns and feelings.
• Encourage reflective thinking by helping your teen think about his or her actions in advance and discussing immediate and long-term consequences of risky behavior.
• Remember that we all learn valuable lessons from mistakes.

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